


Rehearsal

by sassenachfrazer



Series: Rehearsal [1]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander (TV) RPF, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Book 1: Outlander, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9368990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachfrazer/pseuds/sassenachfrazer
Summary: We always tell our fans there's nothing sexy about filming a sex scene. And that's true. Kissing Sam when there is a camera 3 feet away from our faces is not very erotic. However, the rehearsals are something else all together. The lack of sound guys, wardrobe people and a director makes everything way, way more intimate. When it's just two people kissing, even when we are acting, there is always that feeling. Something deep inside your belly sparks and burns when your lips first touch. Your hands will no longer take directions from your brain and speaking suddenly seems impossible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> This is my very first attempt at anything even maybe a story. Please be gentle with your comments :)  
> English isn't my first language so any grammar/spelling mistakes you find are welcome! 
> 
> xoxo

We always tell our fans there's nothing sexy about filming a sex scene. And that's true. Kissing Sam when there is a camera 3 feet away from our faces is not very erotic. However, the rehearsals are something else all together. The lack of sound guys, wardrobe people and a director makes everything way, way more intimate. When it's just two people kissing, even when we are acting, there is always that feeling. Something deep inside your belly sparks and burns when your lips first touch. Your hands will no longer take directions from your brain and speaking suddenly seems impossible.

\---

I remember seeing Sam for the first time and how I felt when I realised I might be making out with him on camera soon. He was dressed plainly. Just jeans and a tshirt, his staple. But he made it look so raw, so manly. I felt an instant attraction to him. Then, when I was cast, we started going to all these fittings for costumes. He and I would stand in a room while all these people were pinning, scetching and sewing about. We would smile and exchange looks. Sometimes shy, sometimes amused. But that was nothing. Was it?

I had walked in on him just after they made a body cast of him for his scars. He was naked and about to walk into the shower. He hadn't noticed me and I had just stared in awe at the way his body moved. His confident, sensuous walk and the ripples of his muscles as he flexed and relaxed trying to pick of pieces of gunk from his back. Just as he turned around I quickly closed the door and waited a few seconds before knocking. When he let me in he had a towel around his waist and a smell of lust about him. A smile lingered around his lips. But I was sure I hadn't been seen.

After that, the looks we exchanged were different. I couldn't unsee what i had seen. And whenever he looked back at me, his eyes had this hint of a challenge in them. But ofcourse I could be mistaken.

A hot lighting bolt had went through me when Richard asked us to start rehearsals on the sex scene for episode 9. I flushed immediatly. My eyes shot to Sam and I thought I saw him smile at my bright red face and shocked look. Could he tell how turned on I was? The the idea of spending any amount of time dry humping Sam is enouh to make any woman blush. But for me, it was more. He couldn't possibly tell that though, could he? Then why did he have this knowing look on his face?

We hadn't even filmed the wedding episode yet. Hell, we hadn't even kissed at rehearsals! He had been my friend through all of the Scottish mud and cold. He had held me when I told him I was cold, but nothinig more. Nothing like the kissing, biting and licking we were about to do. We had had a few moments when I felt like he might make a move. Usually, during a short break he kept me company in my trailor, waiting for the crew to set up the next scene. But he hadn't made a move. And so I had conviced myself he was just my friend. A mate. A co worker. Surely he had no interest in me.

\---

The room was boring. A sound system standing on the wooden floor and a mirror filling the wall at one end. The rest of the room consisted of simple white walls without pictures. No windows, thank God, but also the very worst kind of fluorescent lighting. There was a bare matress, the kind used by athletes, laying in the corner of the room. A promiss of what's to come? The whole vibe of the place was all business. It looked sterile and not the least bit romantic. Sam took one glance at the place and made that typical Scotish sound used for everything from greeting to angry outburst. “Mmphm”. But he seemed otherwise unphased at the sigh of it. Me on the other hand thought of what might have happened on that matress before us. How on earth was I supposed to get naked in lighting that did nothing exept emphasize my every insecurity. I could see Sam noticing my insecurity. Crap! An amused look crossed his face, before he could settle it back to neutral. Double crap!

No. I couldn't allow myself to feel this way. I am a professional, a mature woman. I can handle a bit of bad lighting and an ugly room.

I put on my professional actress face and walked in feeling less secure than I looked. We both had gotten our scripts ofcourse, but were otherwise free to plot out the scene however we wanted. Improvisation with Sam. I felt my body shivver with anticipation at the thought of it. Every available piece of blank space of my script is scribbled with my notes and I've even added some post it notes where I lacked space. I had spent days thinking of what Sam and I might do on this day. Sam's script, however, looked pristine. Had he even read it?

I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of spending a day in this room with him. Obviously I had spent way more thought on this than he did. How can I pull this off? How can I keep my emotions out of it? He mustn't notice my desire. Sam could never know how I really felt about him.

I had made every preparation imaginable ofcourse. Every inch of me was waxed, polished and groomed to perfection. I even went back to my old friends at Vicotria's Secet to find underwear that would make an impression. I spent hours going to and fro between a pair of lacy white knickers with a matching bra and a tiny little bodysuit in a navy colour. But in the end I decided it was best to be dressed in a way simmilar to what I would wear on the day of filming. So I wore a flesh coloured thong and no bra under my simple black jeans and white blouse. No need for him to think he was any more special to me than he already might. My clothes were like an armor. Keeping Sam's manly sex vibes out and keeping my erotic day dreams firmly tucked away on the inside.

The silence was deafening as Sam closed the door and locked it. I wanted to talk. But he walked up to me and faced me and my brain shot circuited. No words reached my mouth. So I tried to look up, I wanted to look him in the eye. I really did try. But I couldn't. My body was frozen. I wasn't ready yet. My feelings were still too close to the surface. My face and body told him exactly what I didn't want it to tell and nothing of what I had planned to tell.

I wanted to just casually go over the scenes. Pretending like I was ok with the friendship we had. Pretending as if this is something I did every day. Like it was no big deal. But when he took of his jacket and shoes and settled them by the door, I couldn't even utter a single word. His bare feet on the wooden floor and him in his blue jeans and his tight fitting Barbour shirt were just too much for my brain to handle. I could swear the air sizzled around him, charged with all the sexual tension that always fills any room Sam walks into.

“So...” Sam said, breaking the silence. He made that word so full of possibilities my mouth just hung open. He reached up with his finger and closed my jaw for me. Emphasizing my complete and utter humiliation. I blinked twice and came to my senses. “So.” I repeated, in the least sexy, most efficient tone I can muster up, completely disregarding all the tension in the room.

Not really knowing what to do or where to stand I walked to the matress and sat down on it. Anything to get away from his stunning presence. “ How do you propose we go about this then?” I ask, continuing my attempt at casualness and failing miserably.

Sam said nothing and sat down beside me. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He seemed to make some sort of decision and reached for my hand. “It's ok if this is a little awkward for you, Caitriona” he breathes. “It's awkward for me too”.

My head jerked up to meet his gaze, and for a moment I think I could see... something. He looked... vulnerable? Just for a second and then it was gone. His sly grin back with those blazing blue eyes. My mind boggled. I couldn't imagine him feeling anything but confidence. He had the upper hand here. With all his experience in theater and doing sexy scenes. He'd even made out with a man for God's sake! How can he feel awkward?!

“Well, it isn't every day I get to snog a delicious piece of man candy like yourself” I laugh, making one final attempt to steady myself, to break the tension and make the 'professional actress impression' I had in mind. I had ofcourse no idea how to actually do handle that. He smiled and looked away. He squeezed my hand and breathed in deeply. I could tell Sam wanted to say something but he seemed unsure. As his eyes met mine again I thought I heard him say something. “I've waited for this moment for months”. The words came out almost a whisper.

I wasn't not sure I heard him correctly and had absolutely no idea how to respond to a confession like that. I felt shocked, exilerated and kind of strange. So I just nodded, smiled and held his hand a bit. Maybe I could do this then. If he even wanted to kiss me half as much as I wanted to kiss him, this might be ok after all. He seemed relieved to have said it and as he squared his shoulders the built up tension just seemed to leave the room. We were just Sam and Cait again.

This man had been my friend and companion for the past few months. How could I possibly feel insecure around him? I convinced myself for the thousandth time there was nothing between us. We were just acting. And he is a very good actor. He was just trying to make me at ease.

“Can I have a look at your notes?” I asked, thankfull to have managed to say something at last. He looked a bit sheepish at that and blushed slightly.  
“I never really make notes, before...” he answered.

“No? Why not?” I replied, feeling a bit ashamed of my script and the current abundance of notes, ideas and scribbled remarks filling it.

“I think it's best to just feel your way through it. Like you would with any new partner. It makes it more real and more natural. At least, that's what I hope.” His voice sounded amused and a bit bashful. But his eyes. His eyes said something else. They said he needed confirmation? But confirmation of what, I wondered. Was I supposed to know this? We had gone over scenes like this in acting class. But it never stopped being weird, kissing somebody you feel nothing for. But doing this now, with him was something completely different. I felt something I hadn't felt before.

Well if this is how he wanted it, it was fine by me. I had no idea what I was doing anyway. My notes were mostly about where to put my hands and such. Might as well follow his lead then, I thought.

“If this is supposed to be like it would be with a normal new partner, I guess you should buy me a drink” I giggled.

“Ah” he said with a shit eating grin as he stood up and walked back to the door. He produced a little hip flask of whiskey from his jacket.

“Hand it over and nobody gets hurt, Heughan” I bark in my best fake American accent. He knows me too well and threw the thing in my direction. I took a good swig and felt the hot fluid warm me immediatly, building my courage. I took another one and hand the flask back to him. No need to get drunk just yet, I decided. Keeping the idea as a back up plan for when things might start to get awkward again.

He looked at the flask and licked his lips, set the flask to his mouth and took an equially big gulp. Looking at his lips on the flask made me want those lips on me. And so, emboldened by the drink I decided I'd had enough of waiting. "I'm over this awkwardness, this rediculous build up of anticipation and silly tension. I'm a professional woman for crying out loud. I can handle a little kiss!" I murmered. So I stood up and with an air of purpose and walked up to him, put my hands around his neck and leaned in to kiss him.

Sam looksedsurprised but immediatly puts his strong arms around me. Very pleased with myself I notice he has placed his hands a bit lower than would be decent. “That easy eh? He mumbles. “Wish I had known that sooner” as he pressed his lips to mine.

I intended it to be a very chaste kiss. Just a quick peck and have it over with. Just to stop all this puttering about. But Sam has very different ideas. As soon as our lips meet I realize this isn't going to be casual, this can never _be_ casual. Sam's lips demanded everything from me. He put every last bit of himself in that kiss. Damn that man is a good actor!

My lips were stiff, puckered in a I way I might do if kissed my aunt. But the way he lingered, caressing my mouth with his and softening it with every motion, I felt myself melting into him, surrendering. His hands were on the small of my back, stroking up and down, moving to my butt. All the while pressing me closer to him. I felt his tongue pushing away all reservations and with a tiny moan I let him in.

I felt time freeze as we stood there, holding each other as close as we could get. Our tongues whirling around each other. Him sucking at my lip, biting it and slowly daring me to reciprocate in some way. He was drawing me out. Why? Why would he do this?

I wanted, I ached, to let him know how I feel. But he's my co worker. And he there is no way he feels the same way.... right? And so he musn't ever know. I feel like I can't breathe. This is too much. I'm not acting anymore. This is the _real_ me. All my feelings come rushing over me and I think Sam might start to suspect something. But I am beyond caring. This kiss is too good to stop. I place all I have in that kiss. Every last bit of love and desire. It's all for him.

But Sam tensed up. His body suddenly turning to stone. Sam's hands grabbed my shoulders and he pushed me away. I can't believe it. What happened?

My eyes were large as I looked at him, gasping for air. I am flushed, embarrased. With that kiss he's broken down all of my barriers and he's laid all my emotions bare. And as I looked at him I can tell he's seen it. He already knew. He knew and he just stood there... Looking at me, looking at him. His face first full of love, then surprise and then... anger? Sadness? I don't know.

  
A shiver moves through my body as he turned suddenly around. I feel very lonely and cold without his arms around me. In a daze I see him, picking up his shoes andjacket and unlocking the door in one swift motion. He left. He's gone.

I sunk to the ground trying to gather my wits about me. I can't possibly face him again. Or ever.


	2. Decision

Sam had always known he was attractive. Women usually looked at him just that little bit longer than is proper. His go to respons was always a mildly sarcastic look of acknowledgement. It didn't mean anything and it had become quite normal to him. Something he barely noticed. So when Cait had done it, it didn't mean anything. He had kept telling himself that. The fact that she would cuddle with him and invite him up to her trailor was just her being a considderate coworker. But why couldn't he manage his usual sarcastic smirk anymore? Every time she looked at him, he would suddenly feel shy. Just one glance of her was enough to make him smile.

It was weird feeling all these things. He'd never really felt this way. He'd wondered what it might be. This feeling. It wasn't exactly good or bad. It was just there, everytime he thought of her. Of Caitriona. It could make him nausious, or warm him to the core. Sometimes he wanted to cry when he felt it, but there were also times it made him want to burst with joy. It really was the most peculiar feeling.

It had hit him finally after a long day with the prosthetics ladies. He was standing naked in his dressing room, trying to pick a particularly annoying piece of latex from his back when he heard a very quiet gasp from behind the door. They had made a body cast to use for the design of Jamie's scars and the damned bit was placed exactly in the center of his back where he couldn't quite reach it. Without having to look, he knew it was Cait. His Cait. He could sense her from a mile away. But he hadn't turned around. He had flexed his muscles a bit and let her watch. Soon, she would see it all anyway. So why bother hiding or feeling ashamed? But what the hell was his cock doing, getting all exited about the event? _A Dhia_! Cait had apparently decided it would be polite to knock and with the state of his lower regions it might be best to grab a towel before actually facing her. No need to shock her just yet... He smiled at the thought.

When she'd left, he hopped into the shower, his cock still throbbing and his mind filled with images of a beet red Cait, stuttering something about going out for drinks later. Oh well, there was an easy solution for that... But doing so left an empty feeling behind. It wasn'really her and he really missed her. And suddenly it dawned on him. He didn't just miss her body, he missed _her._ But that would mean... Was he in love with her?

________________________

After that, he couldn't look at her anymore. He tried his best to get his normal sarcastic face back. But whenever she looked at him, he couldn't manage it. Her eyes peeled away all his defenses. And so he strengthened himself. Putting up walls around his emotions, but daring her to drag them down too.

He had to find some way to let her know how he felt. But he never really had her to himself. There was always someone there. A director, writer or some one from the costume department. So when Richard _finally_ asked them to start rehearsing the season 9 sex scene he was very exited. He tried to read the script. But all his feelings for Cait got in the way of Jamies feelings for Claire. Frustrated, he threw the script aside and decided it was time for some improv...

_________________________

The room hadn't exactly been what he had imagined for their first kiss. He had hoped to find some place a bit more romantic, but this would just have to do. Cait didn't like the room all that much either, but she made no complaints. At least the room was warm.

She was standing in the room, not really sure what to do. The first thing that came to his mind was to give them so privacy. So he locked the door. And improv always worked better with two feet solid on the ground and room to move. He took of his shoes and jacket and walked up to Cait, who was still standing there, looking at him. Her mouth hung open in the cutest way and on impulse he reached up and closed it for her.

She blushed and he realised he had made her feel awkward with that move. _Shite!_ Why did he always do the wrong thing in these situations? He felt like a total _klodheid_. He almost choked on the words, but tried to make her understand that this was awkward for him too. He hoped she would understand. Cait made some remark about his script and he explained his ideas about improv for this day. She didn't seem to mind that. Her next question took him by surprise though. Didn't he think he should buy her a drink, she asked. This was his Cait. The woman he _loved._ Always looking for some excuse to do something fun. Thinking on his feet he took the flask of whiskey he usually carried with him out of his jacket pocket and threw it to her. She laughed at that. Having taken a few sips she handed it back. Her lips had just touched that flask and suddenly he felt quite jealous of it. He wanted her lips too! As a substitute he licked his lips and put the flask to his mouth. He needed a drink desperately for what he was about to do next.

When Cait stood up, put her arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss, he couldn't believe his luck. Where did that come from? He immeadiately put his arms around her and kissed her passionately. He realized way too late that she was ofcourse rehearsing. This wasn't Cait kissing Sam. It was Claire, kissing Jaime. She attempted one of those horrible stiff lipped Hollywood kisses. He'd always loathed those fake kisses. Who kisses like that?! Well he'd show her how much of a 'Hollywood kisser he was!

With his lips he opened her mouth and deepened their kiss. He explored her with his tongue. Teasing her, tempting her to let herself go. And she did. He could feel her relax in his arms, surrendering completely. He pushed her even closer and for a moment, lost sense of time. Cait responded immediatly. With every motion he could feel himself getting overwhelmed with love. For her, by her. He understood now. If she let him kiss her like this, she felt the same way! This place wouldn't do at all for a first kiss, let alone all the other things he wanted to do to her. So with every last ounce of self control he had, he tore himself away from her.

He opened his eyes and stared into Cait's. She was a little short of breath but her emotions were obvious now: she too was very much in love... and kinda turned on. He was surprised to see it so clearly now, after all his doubts before. He had gone about this entirely wrong. She deserved so much more than a stolen kiss in a rehearsal room. He berated himself and quickly made for the door. If she was to fall for him, he was to do things properly!


	3. Reality

I'd sat on that floor for what felt like hours. Feeling the wood of the floor, strong and reliable under me. So the ground hadn't actually swallowed me. I was sure this level of embarresment had to cause some kind of change in the earths crust. But it hadn't. And so I just sat there.

I wasn't really sure when or how I'd gotten up, but somehow I had. There really wasn't much for me to do in that stupid, horrible room exept reminisce about the recent confusion. So I left, crossed the street and walked into the nearest place that sold coffee. I really needed something to warm me now, and more whiskey seemed like a bad idea, given my current mental state.

I ordered the biggest, strongest black coffee they made and was having tiny sips of the scorching liquid when my phone went off. I didn't want to look at who it was. It might be Sam, it might not be Sam. I wasn't sure which one I prefered. The little coffee shop I was sat in was buzzing with people. Most were on their computers, working away. But some were talking and the noise had disturbed their conversation. My phone buzzed and rang again. And again. People were starting to look annoyed. So I reached in my bag and grabbed the phone. Mostly to turn it on silent, but a part of me wanted to see who it was.

It was Sam.

3 messages.

2:14 PM: **I'm sorry.**

Well, I knew exactly where he could shove those apologies. Feeling the burn of his rejection, I gave my phone a look that would scorch any man to his shoe laces. But this being a phone, it just beemed back. I still had two messages left to read. Might as well get it over and done with. No doubt he wanted to meet with me and Meril to discuss my replacement or something. The show hadn't aired yet, so there still was time. 

2:16 PM: **Please Cait. Please don't think this is who I am.**

I didn't think this was who he was. I _knew_ this was who he was. An asshole. Or a _hurdie_ , as he would call it. He'd provoked me. Deliberately egging me on to show emotion and then rejecting me as soon as I did. What kind of person even does that? Maybe his third message would explain? I doubted it.

2:20 PM: **Meet me? xo Sam**

Meet with him?! And what the hell were those stupid two letters about? Xo? Rubbing it in was he? Fine. I would meet with him. And I would give him a piece of my mind too. He didn't have to feel the same way about me. But I wasn't going to let him run me off the show or allow him to insult me further. This situation asked for my most arrogant, strong and sexy model behavior available. And _that_ I knew how to do.

___________________________________

I'd messaged him back saying I had a few errands to run and that I would meet him at his appartment at 5. That gave me enough time to change, do my hair and make up and have a good stiff drink before heading over. I remembered my lines for the scene we were going to rehearse. "I'll cut out your heart and have it for breakfast". That seemed like a good idea.

___________________________________

At 5:30 I rang his door bell. Model behavior required me to be fashionably late. Even though I had been ready at 4. My apartment had never been cleaner and Eddie was sick of me trying to play with her and her cat toys. But I had made it. I was late. Good! Maybe I'd made him feel as insecure as I had felt.

When Sam buzzed me in he didn't say a word over the speaker. So I took the lift to his apartment and knocked on the door, even though it had been left open. "Come in" Sam's voice sounded from some far away place. He sounded happy. Cheerfull even.

Reluctantly I pushed the door open and walked in. My extra high stiletto heels making tiny clicking sounds on the granite floors I knew he loved. He thought they were modern and very fitting for a man's bachelor pad. Or so he told me. I heard Sam making noise somewhere in what I knew was his open plan kitchen. "I'm over here" he yelled. And so I walked into the living room.

Surprize doesn't even come close to what I felt at that moment. I was floored, baffled. I had been so, so wrong about Sam.

Every surface of the room was covered in candles. On the table was a delicious looking bottle of red wine, and standing next to it was Sam, looking equially delicious. "Is this ok?" he asked. His eyes were very serious. Deep ponds of blue, trying to make out how I was feeling. The corner of his mouth twitched upward in that smirk I had seen and loved so many times.

My eyes had filled with tears, not overfowing just yet, but blurring my vision. A shy smile reached my mouth and felt overcome with joy. I think he'd seen my feelings because he quickly made his was over to me and took me in his arms. He squeezed me tight to his body in that bear embrace he'd used for one of my audition scenes. "Are you ok?" he murmered in my ear. "Yes. Yes I'm fine" I sobbed. I was so relieved, so happy and I couldn't quite believe this was happening right now. "What the hell Heughan?". He laughed at that, releasing me slightly, but keeping his arms around me. "I'm so sorry Cait. I dinna mean to leave ye like that. It's just that... it just seemed so wrong to kiss ye there." His voice was no more than a whisper, but I could easily tell what he was saying. Emotion was chocking my voice, so I replied in the only way I could.

Our lips met in a crash. All reservations dropped. No more doubts, no more worrying and no more faking. This was real. This was Sam and Cait. And we had the entire evening to ourselves. 


	4. Second chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To bed... or to sleep?

We had much to talk about, but it would have to wait. First, we had to find a new way to be around eachother. We had both tried to hide our feelings for a long, long time. And with everything suddenly so out in the open, I felt naked. Even though I was wearing my best outfit. Sam seemed to feel the same way. Every time we pulled apart for a moment and our eyes met, he would pull me back in. Unwilling to let go, unwilling to say anything that might ruin what we had in this moment.

He took my breath away. It was like he knew my every thought and emotion, anticipating my need for his hands, mouth and body before the thought had even contiously formed in my mind. I was making small whimpering noises at the bruising kisses he left behind, trying to make him touch me more, harder... everywhere. My need for him grew stronger by the second and had made my body take over completely. Attuned to it as he was, he knew I was beyond words. So, in the end he just picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him, trying to gain some sort of friction. My mouth never leaving his.

I'd thought he would take me up to his bedroom. But he didn't and I felt robbed. The firmness behind his jeans was unmistakeable. So why didn't he? He sat down on the sofa, me stradling him and held my head between his hands. With the gentlest of motions urged me to stop, softly untangling my limbs from his.

He looked up at me with his beautiful blue eyes, dark with emotion. "Is this real then?" he asked. I could hear the insecurity in his voice. He really did want me! I would have to be very careful in my reply. Taking every precaution not to step on his, so uniquely exposed, heart. "It is to me" I whispered. Sounding way too wanton and desperate to my own ears. "I like you Sam. I more than like you. I think you know that now. But we have so much to do, together. I mean Jamie and Claire... won't they get in the way?"

"I dinna ken" he replied sounding disappointed. His accent always became more obvious when he got emotional. "If ye think ye canna separate the two..." His unspoken question hung in the air between us. "I know who I'm kissing right now, Sam, and it isn't Jamie." I spoke to the corner of his mouth, my lips barely touching his. "I just don't want to risk our jobs. We've worked so hard to get where we are now. I would never do anything to ruin that for us."

His grip on me had firmed with that statement. His hands moving to my shoulders and holding me tightly away from him. He looked frightened but also very unyielding. "If we do this, Cait, I want ye to know there is no going back for me. If ye choose me, I won't ever let ye go."

\- "Then don't" I replied, making things official by pressing my body close to him once more.

_______________________

With things settled between us, we still had rehearsals to get to. Sam and Cait had figured things out for now, but Jamie en Claire still had a fight to make up. And they would be doing  _that_ naked.

We'd spent most of the evening kissing, touching and generally being in love. We'd gone from the sofa to the floor. And even when I went for a glass of water in the kitchen he'd stood behind me. Pushing me against the counter, holding me. The bottle of red wine had evaporated and a second one was also nearly drained. I felt myself surrounded by a nice, fluffy cloud of love, alcohol and Sam. He held me spoon fashion as we laid on the couch when it dawned on us, we still hadn't made any plans for filming day, the day after tomorrow.

"Cait, are ye still awake?" Sam asked, shaking me gently. I moaned, not liking being dragged of my pink cloud. "I am  now, you brute!" I replied, sounding like an impetulant child. He laughed at that, then sat up. I could tell he was being serious now. "This is going to sound verra forward and I really dinna mean to insult ye, ken?" Sam began. "But in two days, you and I are going to be doing things as Jamie and Claire, we havena done as ourselves. How'd... how do ye feel about that?" He ended, his last words turning more into a shy mumble than actual words. I needed a moment to think about this. So I sat up aswell, making the motion intentionally show to give myself some more time.

"I hate it" was my honest answer. "But not because I don't want to do it. I would very much like to do... _it._ Just not with Jamie. I want you Sam. And if you touch me like that, I don't want the first time to be... fake. I want the real you, not the actor."

"Weell than.." Sam breathed in his typical Scottish lilt. "I suppose I canna resist an offer like that now can I?". His face looking like a cat that got the cream. "Let me take you to bed Cait."

 


	5. All is fair in love and war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the rating on this story, because... well.... read on.

We walked into the bedroom nervously holding hands. His bedroom was nice and warm but had the obvious spartan looks of a bachelor pad. A simple oak bedframe with two sturdy looking side tables and a wardrobe. He had barely managed to place two little night lights on the stands, but that was about as far as decoration went. Except for one little picture frame, face down on one of the stands. Who's picture was in it? I wasn't in a state of mind to ask.

I looked up at Sam and noticed how tense his muscles were. I put my hands on his shoulders and met his eyes. I put every stitch of love I felt in that look and I felt him relax under my touch. I moved my hands over his broad shoulders and down over his chest. He sighed. "I dinna ken how I'm supposed to go about this right now. Tell me what you want Cait." His voice was full of desire, but I could tell he didn't want me to things I wasn't ready for.

But I didn't  _ken_ what to do either though, so I moved my hands lower to the hem of his shirt, slipping my hands underneath. "This is all a bit forced now, isn't it?" I replied. "Normally things would happen more naturally. A few dates, a few kisses and then, if I liked the guy, I would invite him over to my place. Things would progress from there. But for us, things'll have to move quicker. That is, if I don't want my first time with you to actually be with Jamie." 

Determined to prevent that awkwardness from happening, I decided we best get over our shyness as soon as possible. I had been a model for a big part of my adult life, so I hadn't that many qualms about taking my clothes of in a room full of strangers. But Sam wasn't a stranger. And those strangers hadn't ever looked at me the way Sam was doing right now.

"C-Can I take of your shirt?" I hestitated to ask. With a wicked grin Sam nodded consent. I let my hands slip under his shirt an move over the well defined ripples of his muscles. I touched his chest and felt my way through the little amount of hair there. I knew the producers had insisted he had kept it for the part. I liked it. It made him feel... safe. My hands wondered to the sides, brushed his nipples gently and roamed over his sides to the hem of his shirt. Then, in one swift motion I dragged the shirt up and over his head. He looked phenomenal.

"Weel then lass, is it my turn now?" Sam asked me, eyes blazing blue. "No". I replied and shook my head slowly. His brows shot up at that and he tilted his head slightly, daring me to continue. I wanted to take my time, explore him slowly, feel my way through. But Sam was looking at me in a way that made sure there was no doubt about the conclusion to those explorations.

I let my hands drop down to his waist and fumbled with this belt. My one hand undoing it and unbuttoning his jeans, the other following the trail that went lower and lower from his belly button. When I went to push his jeans down, I noticed something destincly missing. A true Scotsman indeed, Sam had foregone any type of underwear and was now standing before me his jeans very loose around his waist. They hung from his hipbones in a way that revealed nothing, but promissed everything.

The corner of Sams mouth twitched up at my shocked expression and he took one step back. "A man can hope, can he no?". I met his gaze head on and took a very determined step forward and then pushed him hard so he fel on the bed. "So can a woman" I replied. And with that, I undid the zipper at the side of my dress and took it off. 

I hadn't expected things to end up the way they did. I fact, I thought I was meeting Sam to fight for my place in the show. So I had donned the navy body suit I had decided against for the rehearsal. I thought I had needed it to make me feel strong and womanly. But in this moment, it was Sam who gave me that feeling. I had added some high stiletto heals, making my legs look like they went on for miles. The effect on Sam was quite the spectacle.

His mouth hung open, his eyes just about popping out of their sockets. "Ye did that for me?" he muttered. "Well, in a way I did" I giggled back at him, sounding nothing like the woman I looked. Sams hand reached out to me in a way that was completely involuntarily, his need for me showing clearly on his face. I took his hand and wrapped my fingers in his. Pulling him up so he now sat up on the bed.

I swayed my hips in the way I had learned when I worked as an Angel and used the sexy smile that went with it. The effect on Sam was unmistakable. I think Sam nearly passed out. He made a chocking sound in the back of his throat and swallowed audibly. So I joined him on the bed, stradling him. Still holding his hand I reached for the other one. Without noticing it himself he had already reached for mine too. We sat like that for a moment, looking at eachother, our eyes filled with love and longing. I ached for Sam. I wanted to crawl into him, melt with him and spend the rest of our lives as one person.

Slowly our heads moved towards eachother, our foreheads touching, breathing eachother in. As if by doing that our minds would become one. And for and instant they did. By some unheard signal of release the moment broke and we simultaniously crashed into eachtother. Sam released my hands and wrapped his arms around me tight and fell back on the bed, taking me with him.

We kissed passionately and Sam let his hands roam freely. Touching my breasts, my ass and stroking the insides of my thighs, but never where I really wanted him to. My own hands doing much of the same, I was grinding into him as much as I could, but Sam denied me the friction I was looking for. He was showing me I wanted him as much as he wanted me. But that wasn't something I wanted to admit just now. We were fighting for dominance.

His teasing attacks on my body were working though, and I was slowly losing it. Luckily Sam wasn't doing much better. We were teetering on the edge and all I wanted was to push him over, before he could do the same to me. So I dragged my mouth away from his and kissed my way from his neck to his ear. I took his earlobe in my mouth and nibbled on it. Sam was moaning out loud now. I just about had him where I wanted him. So taking time to form the words, making them deliberate and clear I whispered to him. "You look delicious Sam. Do you taste as good as you look?". Sam's breath hitched at the words. I traced my tongue to one of his nipples, licking them and making them pucker. And over the edge he went.

Sam was coming apart at the seams. With every flick of my tongue I could hear him gasp and making long but quiet "aaaaah" sounds. I nuzzled his abdomen and traced my way lower, kissing him just above where he wanted me to. "Cait, please. Please!" Sam panted. I could smell his desire and dragged it out just that bit longer. I sat up and pushed his jeans to his ankles. Pulling the legs over his feet one at a time.

Seeing Sam naked on the bed for the first time was something I will never forget. He looked so hot. The evidence of his desire urgently demanding attention. So I sat back on the bed and bended over him. I licked at his length and steadied him with one hand. The other one cupping his balls, slightly squeezing and pulling at them. When I finally took him in my mouth his hands tangled in my hair, urging me to take him deeper. Happy to oblige I sucked and licked untill I could relax and take him all the way to the back of my throat. I was breathing through my nose, overcoming my gag reflex but also taking in that sweet perfume that could only be described as Sam. _My_ Sam.

"Cait, I canna... If ye don't want... _Ah Dhia"_ Sam hissed. I knew he was trying to resist me and intensified my ministations, reducing him to incomprehensible sounds. Internally smiling and complimenting myself for winning this round. I felt him quicken in my mouth, spilling himself into me, bucking his hips up in a motion older than time. I swallowed everything he would give me, savouring him.

Sam's body had gone complety rigid, then limp under me. I looked up and caught his gaze. His expression was unreadable. Every emotion was in that one look. It went from love to happiness to surprise in quick order. But it also changed from pride to shame and in the end settled on resolve. He sat up on one elbow and used his other arm to pull me to him and then push me over on my back. He lied down on top of me, pinning me to the bed. He wrenched one leg between my thighs pushing them open. He pressed his strong thigh to my core and bore his eyes into mine. "This means war Balfe" he grinned. 

I rather though I might like his type of warfare...


	6. Say that ye love me

Sam was seeing stars. The things Cait was doing to him were beyond the physical. She touched his soul. And he wanted to touch hers back. He understood, he knew what she was doing. Cait had always found it hard to accept love. She had deflected it by jokes, flirtation or by just plain ignoring it. And right now she was doing it with... whatever fantastic thing she was doing to him with her mouth.

It was ok though, we would never stop offering. In the end he would break down that final barrier and get her to not only accept his, he would win hers. But for now, she needed his surrender. So he gave it. His body was hers and she could do with it as she liked, knowing that whatever she liked, he would love.

Sam was breathing heavily, trying to stiffle moans and failing at every attempt. A final flick of her tongue had him grasping her head, trying to slow down the motions by grabbing her hair. He didn't want it to be over. But she wasn't having any of it. A warning would be only fair, but the words wouldn't quite form. He didn't know what he had said, but she took him even deeper and he couldn't help himself anymore. Flexing his hips involuntarily he came with a final loud groan.

Sensing her self satisfied grin he knew this wasn't just deflecting. This was a challenge. And Sam loved challenges! It was time to declare war.

Pinning her underneath him gave him a chance to think about all the things he could do to her. He could imagine all sorts of parts of her body to attack, but chose her heart.

He pressed his leg between hers and made her sigh with his declaration of war. She had made things go much quicker than he had wanted to. So he would take things slow. So very, very slow. He kissed her thoroughly and worked his way from the top of her head to her neck. Depositing kisses on every inch of her. She was trying to buck him off, but he was much stronger. And he lovingly pushed her down, using his upper body, grabbing her hands and pinning them with one hand above her head. He kissed her shoulder now, using his teeth and other hand to lower the straps of her body suit, exposing her breasts. Cait immediately stopped trying to push him off and instead tried to push herself up and into him, trying to make him kiss her lower.

And he did. Ignoring her breasts, he licked the skin between them, then pressed a firm kiss on her chest. Exactly where her heart was beating so quickly right now. He lowered himself further and released her hands and pushed the navy fabrick even lower. Softly nipping underneath her breasts, licking down to her belly button. He left the body suit around her mid section and teased her body by touching her with the lightest of touches. Giving her a taste of what he could do, but never really doing it.

Her nipples had puckered to little raisins, begging for his attention. He made circling motions around them, but never quite reached them and then moved his hands lower, to where his mouth was still kissing her abdomen and then lower still, to her thighs.

He sat up and put her legs on his shoulders. She still had on those shoes that made her ass so impossibly good looking. So with a grunt of both regret and appreciation he took them off. He kissed her instep, running his teeth along them and then took turns, kissing her calfs and licking up to the inside of her thighs, carefull not to touch any of the most sensitive places.

Cait had started making little 'ooh' an 'aah's' and it they made him hard once more. But he wouldn't forget what his ultimate goal was. He would only give her what she wanted if she accepted his love. He could smell her arrousal and knew exactly what she wanted him to do. But he wouldn't do it. Not untill she admitted she loved him. 

So he worked his way back up her body, using his tongue to lick the shivering skin of her beautiful breasts. "What d'ye want Cait?" he whispered. "You!" she answered in a moan. "Good girl" he mumbled as he took one nipple in his mouth and suckled her untill she arched her back up to him, then releasing her. "What do ye want Cait?" he whispered again, boring his deep blue eyes into hers. "You! Only you!" Was her answer now. "Not good enough babe", Sam answered. "I want you. Your mouth. On me. Lower" she tried. Sam smiled. "I dinna think ye've quite deserved that, lass. But I'll give ye my hands." Sam answered, quickly removing her remaining piece of clothing.

His hands found the way to her slippery flesh. He put his middle finger on the swolen center of her desire. Cait's ooh-ing and aah-ing increased immediatly and he knew he could make her cum right now. But he wouldn't. He pushed his body up, resting on an elbow next to her, so he could watch her. With no pressure at all, and with a very low pace he circled her clit. Cait's mouth was open, but her eyes were closed. "Look at me Cait" he demanded. Her eyes flew open and looked back at him.

___________________________

Sam looked at me in a way I had never seen him do. A shy smile reached his lips and his eyes were the bluest of blue. It was so tender and... loving. Oh my God, it was love. I panicked. Sam actually loved me. That took a moment to sink in. His hand was still doing that frustrating thing where he would keep me on the brink of orgasm, but not pushing me over. I was trembling all over, and not only because of what he was doing to my body. I felt like I would burn up under his gaze and had to look away.

He was strategically pushing at my carefully contructed defences. He didn't say it, and it could all be in jest still. But it wasn't. Did I love him back? I already knew the answer, but could I tell him that? I didn't think I could say those words. I'd never said them, to anybody. Family doens't count.

But maybe I could show him? That might work?

I raised my hand to his cheek and touched him very slowly and deliberately. Then, my eyes sought his again, and I looked back at him. Trying very hard to put a little love in them, and not the full amount I knew was there, but was too afraid to let out. His smile grew larger and he kissed me with a new intensity. "Knew ye could do it" he spoke to my lips. I couldn't say anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while, but I finally finished the last chapter of the first Rehearsal story. Let me know if you want another story like this or if I should try another theme.

Sam's silent acceptence of my declaration of love hung around us. It was a fog, a cloud and the air was misty and humid with the scent of our bodies around us. I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted to feel him inside me. My body felt somehow incomplete without him. I was already so close to climax, but I wanted to save it. Make it last longer. Make it even more intense.

I struggled to pull him on top of me, pull him inside. But his strong and muscular body wouldn't move. I pressed myself as close to him as I could get, trying to lure him closer with kisses, little licks in his neck and every other skill I could think of. But all it gained me was a slightly strained neck. I was time to change tactics. I you cannot win the battle, at least win the war. Right?

So I gave in. I put up my arms in surrender and relaxed my body into his touch. Whatever magic his fingers were weaving, it was working. My body tingled, I felt the heat spread from my center outwards and then explode. The boundries of my body seizing to exist and my soul flying away to some place where I was all feeling, all sensing and all loving.

Crap. There it was again. Stupid little word. Love. Gah!

\------------------

Slowly, I drifted back to earth. My breathing was still ragged, but at least I had calmed down a bit. I had known I was in love with Sam for a long time. The caleidoscope of butterflies that had made my stomach it's home the past few months had left little doubt. Finally being able to admit to that had been a relief. These past few hours had been absolutely wonderful. Sam had been everything I had hoped he would be, and more.

But I knew what Sam wanted to hear me say. That I wasn't _just_ in love with him... But how can I admit to a feeling if I don't even know how that feeling would feel?

"Sam?" My voice sounded way too insecure and I felt verry vulnerable too. "Can.. can I talk to you about something?"

-"Ye can talk to me about anything. Ye know that already Cait. What is it?"

"I don't know what to do".

-"Ah, I think we were doing verra well so far, no?" He laughed. But stopped when he saw the serious look on my face. "What is it ya wee harpie?".

"Harpie?... Never mind. What I mean is I don't actually know how to ... erm love. Love you. Or anybody, really. I've never... I mean... I don't..." I think I sounded panicked now.

-"Aye, a harpie ye are. An Irish woman. Ye Irish put harps on everything, ken? But ye do. Ye ken fine well how to love. I've seen ye do it."

 

That statement sent a new flurry of butterflies through my stomach. I felt overjoyed. Did I know? If that was the case, then I might as well stop my attacks on Sam now. I had lost the battle and the war. And, frankly, I didn't care in the slightest. In fact, I rather felt like a winner.

 

"Yes...?" I whispered. "But then for my next plan... no."

-"No? And yes?" Sam asked. I clearly wasn't making sense. But I didn't care. I would explain.

"No, I will not let you fuck me." I let that settle in for a bit. Sam was baffled. Ofcourse. I had gone from not being able to love him to also not having sex. Right after doing pretty much just that a minute ago. I liked seeing him this confused. It made me giggle.

\- "Why? I mean, it's fine. But... why?" HIs eyes were big and he looked a bit hurt. I would have to explain quickly.

"I don't want you to fuck me Sam. I want you to make love to me."

That had the desired efect and Sam laughed a deep and sensuous laugh, scooped me up in one of his giant bear hugs, rolled me on top of him and whispered in my ear:

"I love ye Cait".

\-------------------

His body was firm under mine. He had always looked good to me. But with that last statement, he had won me over forever. He looked absolutely beautiful. His eyes half shut, glancing at me from under his lashes. That rediculous smile had not left his lips. I wanted nothing more from life than this man, by me. Forever. I softly kissed his lips and let my tongue explore. He had kept his arms wrapped around me and pressed me close to him. My nipples were hard and I was sure he could feel them poking in his chest. But all he did was hold me and kiss me. I pressed myself as close to him as I could get, my upper body flush with and my legs stradling him. Sam made a low grunting noise in his throat as I started to move my hips. I could feel him _there_ , growing with desire.

As I tried to move my hands to show him the way he took them and wrapped them around his neck. With one hand on my ass, the other on his cock he impaled me in one swift motion. Clearly, he didn't need any showing.

We both sat up so I would wrap my legs completely around him and take him even deeper. My arms around his neck, his arms around my waist, holding me. We moved slowly, feeling our bodies melt into eachother. I wasn't cold, but a shiver ran down my spine. Sam traced it down my spine with one finger and finally rested his hands on my hips, holding them while I rocked back and forth.

I could tell was close again, by the delicious nises he was making. They started off as whispers and sighs, but as our pace increased, so did the volume of his moans. He had closed his eyes, relishing the feeling. But as our climaxes neared I wanted our souls to join in the same way our bodies did. So between my own pantst and gasps I urged him to open them. As our eyes locked onto eachother our bodies stiffened and convulsed. Sam's breath hitched and I heard my own hoarse cries as if though I had left my own body and has somehow joined Sam in his. Alhough I I found my way back into my own body, I knew I had left a little bit of my mind in Sam. Checking my own heart now, I knew for sure Sam had found his way there. There was a small Sam shaped place carved out.

"I love you too, Sam."


End file.
